They have the microphone, but are we listening to them?
2026-02-21 17:00:00
Manjola Lloja Bushati
Our children need to be heard. Not to be advised or corrected as soon as they start talking. This seems like one of the #simpletruths, which have always been there, since the role of parents in the family or teachers in schools is no longer that of decision-maker with veto. Valid for any parent or educator who is interested in raising children well in line with the times they live in. But… we are now facing the Alpha generation, otherwise children born between 2010–2026. For them, being heard is essential. I have been experiencing this myself for years. First, because my two daughters belong to this generation; second, because my work connects me continuously with this generation, which often has no problem letting you talk for 90 minutes, without even hearing a single line from you. I have told you before: I very often hold meetings and trainings with children and young people. In some of them, I start to build my own mechanisms to understand what would keep them away from their phones to follow my trainings. I wasn't accusing anyone in this case. It was simply my need to understand what I had to do to have their attention. It all started when, at the end of such a training, I told them that in my assessment of the different groups I worked with, I had also included as a variable how long or how many times they picked up the phone during the training. And with the honesty and directness of age (a person my age could express it as almost not very polite), one of them told me: "If we pick up the phone, it doesn't mean we're not interested in anything; it means that you as trainers are no longer interesting." Oo... punching it seemed to me! How do you make yourself interesting to this generation in order to have their attention?
This is the first generation growing up in a world where everything is interactive. Being online, technology, the internet, for them is a way of life, the absence of which surprises them more than it surprised us, when we were their age, the disappearance of electricity, which was invented long ago. Everything they see and do online requires their interaction. YouTube videos can be commented on; on TikTok or Instagram they can react; in games like Roblox they can build their own world entirely. Every online space tells them that your voice counts. This is exactly where I want to stop: The digital world is not the real one. As we live in days when everything seems to be “shouting”, from the news to our urgent desires to catch the most, what happens to a child’s voice? Well, dear friends, parents, peers or not, here lies the essence. A child’s voice is often lost. Don't start right now with... how many rights children have today, we haven't even thought about them, but who is leaving them without speaking, they are speaking more than us... The voice of children today is being lost not because it is low, but because we are busy. We are "drowned" by the rush for everything: work, e-mail, summarizing an episode of Big Brother, the rush to play the victim and to be right. Let me be a little more concrete: the child says "mom, look" and shows you a drawing he has made. He is not just asking for us to take a look at the drawing; he is asking for full attention. When he comes to you and starts the conversation with: "dad, listen", he is not looking for a solution. The child is seeking our presence. Much has been said about this by researchers in psychology and child development. Psychologist Carl Rogers called this "empathic listening", which in simple words means entering the world of another without judgment and without rushing to fix it. When someone feels truly heard, they begin to understand themselves better. For an Alpha child, this is even more critical, because their identity is being formed through algorithms, comparisons, and constant exposure. John Boelby's attachment theory also shows that emotional security is built on the experience of being heard and accepted. A child who has an adult who listens to them seriously builds an internal foundation of security. And this foundation is a good starting point for them to dare.
These are not the first times we have heard this, but our paradox is one that I never stop saying: today we have more means of communication than in any other era, but real communication in the family and school is not at the same level. And the child, if not heard by parents or teachers, seeks his evaluation online. There, the algorithm makes the decisions. The emotional connection ceases to function when the reaction is digital. We often think that we are understanding, but we interrupt, we tell them that we understand, that they don't have to be so upset about it... (I do this regularly, for example, by trying to de-dramatize everything... I give the word that I will improve it). And so, in fact, the signal we send is that their feelings are an excessive burden in our days full of things that "shout". And here we make a big mistake, because a child who is not heard may stop talking, may choose to speak elsewhere, but will never stop feeling. If you are at all familiar with human rights, you have probably heard that listening to children and their involvement in decision-making is a fundamental right, also provided for in the Convention on the Rights of the Child. There is an article there for this too. Between generations, listening is no longer just a matter of how people are educated, but also a matter of dignity. For the generation of our children, known as Generation Alpha, listening is a counterbalance to the noise. Listening filters social pressure and directly affects the “poor” self-confidence that is so much tested in this environment where everything is only compared. Self-confidence, my dear readers, is not given by online likes, especially when you are a child. Give it to an adult who closes the laptop screen, picks up the remote control, turns down the TV, puts down the cell phone, and says, “I’m listening to you.” I often doubt it, but more and more often it turns out that sometimes the truths are so simple that they seem almost naive. Our children don’t need more voices. They have enough of them. Their voices need more ears.
ps: now in my trainings, most of the time it is for them to talk, and I combine their attention with my experience to learn together. I am also looking for their attention. And yours. So today's article is being supplemented with a more curated photo, because it is a tool for you... I will show you below how it works.;)
