Children don't want psychologists. They want parents.
2025-11-22 18:10:00
Manjola Lloja Bushati
I'm not saying this. I mean, I'm saying it out loud, but the title of this post, and some of the advice in it today, are inspired by a book with that title.
Nikos Sideris, its author, is a Greek psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, and author, known for his direct and humane approach to issues of parenting and child development.
I find the way he wrote this book, paraphrasing "A Letter in Confidence to Thinking Parents," very interesting and true. So I decided to share with you this note inspired by this book, which you can also find in Albanian.
Without ready-made formulas, but drawing on his long clinical experience, Sideris emphasizes that many children's emotional challenges stem not from a lack of therapy, but from a lack of parental calm and presence.
I am stopping today at this book, because it seems to me that every day more and more, we are encountering cases of parents who "delegate" their responsibilities to caregivers, educators, teachers, psychologists. I believe you have all noticed it... in many countries around the world, not only here. Children are sent from one education and schooling center to another, the time of stay is extended, they are fed outside the family, they finish their homework outside it, even after-school courses, or even nannies at young ages... then educators, teachers, psychologists... many who have to take care of the children. What about the parents?
I know that many of them have no other choice, but the absence of a parent cannot be a solution.
Our role as parents is unique and irreplaceable. More than therapist advice or modern parenting methods, children need emotional stability, closeness, clear boundaries, and love. And this doesn't always mean a lot of physical presence, children need our emotional presence.
To be clear, neither the author in the book nor I, can allow ourselves to criticize mental health professionals when something is not going well with our children. But the tendency to "delegate children to experts" cannot be the essential way of raising children well. At the core of a child's psychological health is the relationship with the parent. Therefore, the author (and I think the same on this point) invites us parents to slow down, listen to our children and ourselves, and build a simple, natural, and lasting connection.
It may be repetitive, but it's still necessary to hear from the experience of professionals, so I want to end this post today with some simple parenting tips.
It seems that long life experience, but also numerous studies in this field, come to the conclusion that what children are looking for is not perfection, but a grown-up person who sees them, listens to them and guides them calmly. There is a word that endangers our relationship with children: perfection. Children need real parents, who are present, who make mistakes and ask for forgiveness, not ideal models. On the other hand, we should not look for perfection in children either. The effort to become better is what should be appreciated.
We want our children to listen to us, but how much do we listen to them? Well, only listening attentively can build our relationship of trust.
In our relationships with children, we need to set boundaries. Criticize behavior, not character. Don't speak harshly, show by example what we think is right. We shouldn't be our children's friends, but we shouldn't be their dictators either.
I know, it's been a long time...but dear parent...let me say one last thing for today:
Do your best to take care of yourself. Also for the sake of the child. An emotionally balanced parent raises a balanced child.
