An exhibition in the bedroom
(Në vend të një letre të hapur për prindërit që duan fitoren me çdo kusht)
2026-03-28 15:43:55
Manjola Lloja Bushati
As we raise a child, we often want to find in him the talent that may not exist. But we often make the big mistake of seeking to achieve through him the kind of success that we did not achieve ourselves, to give him at all costs the opportunity that we did not have when we were their age, and our eyes become “darkened” to any reality. In the name of appreciation that is not justified by our child's missing talent or ability, we not only step on the space that should be taken by a child more talented than ours. By seeking victory for our child at all costs, we not only create pressure and hinder the fair work of our child's teacher, mentor or evaluator.
We are, unwittingly, hindering two of the fundamentals of our child's psychosocial development: self-esteem and their ability to build social relationships.
Raising a child is not an attempt to correct our lives through him. It is a more difficult process; we must accept that he does not belong entirely to us. As Kahlil Gibran wrote, “children are the sons and daughters of life’s desire for itself,” not the continuation of our unfulfilled dreams.
We demand the most from our child, even when he or she cannot give it.
In the family, where the first trust must be built, a silent form of bullying often arises unnoticed: comparisons, high expectations, disappointment expressed in small but repeated words. These are the moments when the child does not feel enough as he is, but only as he should be. And this is where the first crack in self-esteem begins.
Psychosocial studies confirm this everyday reality: psychological control and parental pressure are directly linked to lower self-esteem in children, while support and acceptance help them build a lasting sense of self-worth. In other words, the way we see them and talk to them becomes the way they will see themselves.
And often, when we fail to "implement plan A," we move on to "plan B." In an attack to gain victory by any means, with pressure, with corruption, with the creation of situations that perhaps at the moment they are created we fail to understand, but in fact...
By giving them undeserved space at all costs, we are taking away from the child the need to improve, the imagination for dreams that don't always come true, so they have to work harder. On the other hand, can we think for a moment about how our child will be in the eyes of other peers, perhaps more talented, perhaps more capable?
We are "buying" the child the opportunity, the victory, the trophy... but do we really think we can buy him self-esteem and true friendship?
On the bedroom wall, a small child occasionally pastes his drawings. He has also shown them to his friends, so they often give him their drawings to paste there, on the same wall. An exhibition of talent, opportunity, friendship, which has parents, cousins, friends as visitors, who support him, and he continues to try to draw something even more beautiful. One drawing is removed, a more beautiful one is put back on. And so on, day after day.
And this child, as he grows up feeling that he is enough, does not need to become someone else to deserve love. Acceptance, like bullying, is born in the family. And regardless of our good intentions, bullying or acceptance will accompany him for a long time.
It's often simpler than it seems: let's accept our children as they are; this is how self-confidence is born, which will accompany them throughout their lives.
