I'm not shouting, I'm talking like a aunt.
2025-09-13 17:49:46
Manjola Lloja Bushati
This is how a little girl answered me, when I asked her why she was shouting so loudly at her dolls. She was playing school, the dolls were students, she herself was the teacher. Except that she was speaking very loudly, and with a nervousness that permeated every sentence. But this is not the only case, in the park in the center of Tirana...children often shout, but adults shout more.
I often hear parents yelling at their children in public. Sometimes, besides pity, it's hard not to be surprised by the reasons why they yell...don't walk there, don't put your foot in the mud, don't touch the ground with your hand, don't get your clothes dirty... but I didn't want to dwell on that today. My concern is the yelling, the tone of voice, the anger.
It's clear that many of us are not at peace. But what is the fault of children for this?
Why are we choosing this form of communication?
Why so nervous? Why so loud?
How can we shout ourselves, and then expect them to be calm and react positively?
In our relationships with children, whether we are parents, teachers, educators... the form of communication we choose is in fact the main tool that directly influences our relationship with them, but also their formation.
Communicating calmly with children is essential. This is how we can build trust and emotional security for our relationship. Children need to be part of the conversation, they need to feel heard and respected. Calm communication models positive behavior, and teaches children to manage emotions and conflicts in a healthy way. By speaking to them calmly, we help reduce stress and fear, and by creating a safe environment in the family, school or kindergarten, we encourage children to be calmer and perform better and be loved in the family. Calm communication favors self-control and emotional intelligence, and thus children grow as balanced and responsible individuals.
I know that often when we yell at our children, we end up getting more upset ourselves, but unfortunately many of us often don't even realize that we're not speaking to them properly.
So, my prayer (not advice, prayer) is that we turn down the volume a little...then the tone, and the content...and speak lightly to our children. They will certainly feel better, but we will also benefit from this. How about we try it this week?
"My teacher told me twice, honey... I really want to go back to preschool."
