And here we come to the question that has "brought generations of parents to their knees": Should we talk to our children about sex?
I have the answer ready, indisputable: Yes, period.
Since I think that we as parents are already facing other challenges in this area, I decided to divide my suggestions, undoubtedly based on scientific studies and observations, into two articles, based on age groups, toddlers up to 9 years old, and then for the age group near and during puberty.
So I'm starting today, the first, with a story about my little daughter. Two or three years ago, I was doing a routine health check-up for her (yes, I take my girls for check-ups without being sick, according to a protocol suggested by specialists / that's another topic). While she was scared while doing an abdominal ultrasound, my daughter, who was less than 5 years old, said out loud through tears;
-Why are you doing this to me, I don't have a baby in my belly!!
I was surprised and laughed a lot at this reaction, then I started thinking...is this the moment to show her how a baby is born?
So, a moment from life, a movie we watch with them, a little cousin who joins the family, a pregnant aunt we see on the beach…these real-life situations can be a good reason to start a conversation with our children about these somewhat delicate issues. But before we get to that point, I think there are some general rules that we should all keep in mind regardless of the child's age:
In these times filled with opportunities to obtain information (often not necessarily accurate), we shouldn't wait for children to ask us, we should start the conversation ourselves.
Secondly, please, no drama. There is nothing more natural than the human body, let's treat it with children as such. No one is more suited than a parent to have these conversations.
We should respect children's curiosity and respond to it seriously. If they ask about something that really bothers us, tell them that we will ask the doctor/specialist and give them the correct answer later.
Everything we say should be age-appropriate, but please always #thetruths.
We need to build their trust, that they can talk to us, that we can provide them with the right and best answers. Otherwise, they will run to find them on the internet, are you sure that's better? (!)
We cannot delegate this conversation, not even to the school. It is our duty.
Today I'm going to focus a little longer on conversations with young children until they are 9-10 years old.
Researchers consider this an age where the foundations of sex education are laid.
First, we need to teach our children their correct names. Often, in conversations with them, or even our own children, we refer to body parts with words that range from grandmothers' fantasies and confusions of context, to the most banal possible curses (by the way, have you noticed how much children swear, girls and boys alike... that's another topic too)
If the head is a head, and that's what it's called, why is the vagina a flower, a pepper, a peach, a bird... don't confuse children more than necessary..they have enough trouble getting into trouble, not even from their parents.
Second, show children the boundaries of privacy. Their bodies are theirs alone. The aunt who longs so much, let her hug them or smell the back of their neck, has no reason to tease *the little one". It's summer so I feel like saying it out loud. Don't leave children naked on the beach. There are solutions and choices at every age. Nudity in minors is not only a problem of infections and physical damage, privacy comes first.
And while we're at it, talk to your kids about "bad secrets." Convince them that they shouldn't let anyone touch them or get closer to them than their parents have taught them. And if that happens, they should never keep it a secret. Parents are the place to tell, and excuse me for the gender characterization, but especially mom. Mom is probably easier to deal with for this too.
Then later, we can also show them how babies are born. For example, I have taught my daughters that mom and dad love each other so much that they want to create together such a beautiful and loving creature as a baby, so it grows in mom's belly and then auntie doctor (in our case, because you may have an uncle doctor, for example, but we have auntie Elinda as a character in stories 😊) helps mom get it out of the belly, and dad holds the baby so mom can rest. All of this actually helps with a deeper education than just sexual education.
Always simple, age appropriate, always calm, without shame.
Parenting doesn't come with an instruction manual, it comes with responsibility and the desire to make fewer and fewer mistakes with our children every day.
Let's talk again next Saturday! With teenagers, everything is a little more complicated, but...
Nobody can do it better than us!
