A few days ago I met a student who moved from Shkodra to a big city in Italy to study, but who feels like he's not in the right place. He's not happy with the major he's chosen and every day he feels more of a stranger. But he's afraid to show it. He's afraid he'll disappoint his parents, who had hoped he would do something else. He feels bad for their trust, for the money he spent, and for all his friends and relatives who will see him as a failure if he goes back.
"Don't give up!"
"Stay strong!"
"Work hard and you will succeed!"
How many times have we heard this refrain ourselves? How many times do we tell it to our children?
As advisory conversations, as criticism, or even as smart sayings on a colorful background in every corner of the digital world we live in...
We repeat to children and young people that strength means persevering and not giving up, not changing direction and continuing without stopping.
But is it always like this?
A friend of mine's daughter has been taking ballet classes since she was little. Now, while the expectations are for her to follow this path, her heart beats for participating in fashion shows.... Should she continue doing ballet, even though she no longer feels like it's her passion? Is she weak if she chooses to change paths and pursue a new passion?
For example, a boy who has been following football since childhood, not because he always wanted to be a footballer, but because his father dreamed of it. As a 16-year-old he faces the reality of a life that does not inspire him and feels the pressure to continue this
path, even though he himself is not sure if what he wants is true. Should he allow his father to project his dreams onto his son's life, or should he think about his own dreams?
In a world where everything changes so quickly, when the reality of life is an endless circle of possibilities, can it be wrong to stop and ask yourself, “Is this what I want right now?”
Well, I say (not just here, today, but whenever I get the chance) that stopping and changing direction can be one of the most powerful actions you can take.
This means surrendering to yourself.
Accepting that what we have been pursuing up until now is no longer for us is not a sign of failure. On the contrary, it is an act of courage.
Surrendering doesn't always mean giving up on something completely, it can simply be listening to yourself. Taking it easy, minimizing the importance and weight of the opinions of others, even the most important people in our lives.
We need to show our children this. We need to tell them that living up to other people's expectations can fill you with doubt and disappointment.
We definitely need to teach them how to stay strong on a chosen path.
But it's us who have to show them that sometimes it's good to stop, to change our minds, to choose a different direction. Surrender can be the strength to become more authentic, freer, and more self-confident. And besides telling our children, maybe it's good to tell ourselves this too!
