Understanding why we lie helps us choose when to do it and when not to.
Jamie bought a home gym bench, the same model he had seen many influencers using. When he received it, he didn't like it at all. A few small details made it unsuitable for him, and he couldn't understand all the enthusiasm surrounding the product.
Since the brand was so trendy, he knew it would sell quickly on Facebook Marketplace. He put it up for sale, and someone immediately bought it. When the buyer came to pick it up, he asked why he was selling it. With some embarrassment, Jamie came up with a reason.
Lies are part of human nature. Below we will look at some of their most common forms and the psychological dynamics behind them.
1. "I bought it on sale," when you actually paid full price
A running friend notices your new, expensive running shoes. You tell him you got them on sale. You actually paid full price, but you feel embarrassed that you spent so much on racing shoes when you run at a slow pace.
2. The real reasons why you are selling something
You're selling an item because it's uncomfortable, ugly, or lacks an important function. But you say you're moving, that you decided to buy a new one, that you received it as a gift twice, or that it doesn't fit in the new home.
3. Technology's fault
Pretend that your phone alarm didn't go off, when in fact you suspect you didn't set it at all.
4. Pretend you did something you didn't do
This is often related to technology, but not always.
"I took the cookies out of the oven at the same time as always. I don't know why they burned on the bottom," while you know you got distracted after the alarm went off.
"I checked the document before sending it."
Or you pretend to have interests that you don't actually have. For example, when asked what music you listen to, you give a varied list of artists, while in reality you listen to the same singer over and over again.
5. "I liked it," when in fact I didn't
The cooking was excellent, not overly salty, spicy, or tasteless.
The show wasn't boring.
The friend's artwork is fantastic.
New hair or a new tattoo looks amazing.
Your friend's professional photos are wonderful.
6. Health routines
"I floss my teeth every day."
"I only drink one coffee a day" (when I usually drink two and sometimes three).
"I'm very careful about washing my hands."
7. Lies about time
"I'm leaving now," while you've just gotten out of the shower and haven't yet decided what to wear.
You tell the technicians that a strange noise or smell started yesterday, when in fact it has been bothering you for a week.
Publish "15-minute" recipes on the blog, when none of them are prepared in less than 40 minutes.
8. Lies about trying
When people claim to have done less than they actually have.
Your mother has been keeping the kids. When you get home, she mentions that she's been organizing "a few" clothes. When you open the linen and towel closet, you find that everything has been rearranged, folded, and organized from scratch.
9. When you blame others
"We like refined food, but the kids don't want to go anywhere that doesn't have French fries" (when in fact you prefer fast food too).
"We'd still go to late-night concerts if we didn't need a babysitter" (when in reality you'd rather be in bed).
What is the purpose of this article?
This is a fun reflection on the fact that we are much more similar to each other than we think.
But at the same time it invites us to reflect.
You may realize that you lie more often or more easily than you imagined. You may begin to wonder which lies are truly harmless and which are not.
For example, when you make a mistake at work and admit it immediately, the consequences are usually much smaller than when you try to cover everything up with an initial lie.
Often lies arise spontaneously, without planning, as happened with Jamie in the example above.
When ordinary people realize that they lie more than they thought, it becomes easier to understand how someone might fall into a pattern of persistent lying under certain psychological circumstances. For example, when gambling debts or other problems cause much greater shame than a few burnt cookies.
The complex interplay between the lies we tell others and ourselves
We often tell lies to protect ourselves, but they also affect how we see ourselves.
For example, we know we were a few minutes late taking the cookies out of the oven, but lying tries to erase that fact for both us and others.
The psychology of white lies is more complex than avoiding hurt feelings
Most of us understand when they are lying to avoid hurting someone.
But, as we saw above, little lies have many other psychological functions: they protect us from shame, from judgment, from feelings of guilt, or from the need to admit our mistakes.
The more aware we are of this, the better we can choose when a little lie is acceptable and when it is better to tell the truth, while also understanding the human and often entertaining side of this universal tendency.
