A week later. The topic remains the same, the age group of children changes. Of course, the way we talk also changes. How to talk to teenagers about sex?
First, it would be good to have started this discussion, of course in a completely age-appropriate manner, when they are young. ( You can find some tips for this here…..link to last week's article)
But even if we haven't done it, there's a moment when we have to start. I repeat, the school can never do what the parent does. Whereas on the internet, the chances are very high that the information will be, if not completely wrong or biased, at least half-baked.
So even with children over 10-12 years old, we should take it upon ourselves. Without risking looking ridiculous, without inviting them with seriousness and drama to handle "delicate issues", consulting ourselves beforehand on topics or issues where we don't feel safe. And above all, as a conversation between two people who give each other freedom and trust.
The best way to start?
A casual conversation. A movie you're watching, a photo..a song video, an advertisement for an aesthetic center…a favorite actor/singer/athlete and a detail that connects it to the topic we want/need to address. We can start from the need for more special care for hygiene and changes in the body…hair, sweat, menstruation (you can also find an article about this here link to the article “baby's house is being cleaned” )…the normality of erection and since we are at this point:
Fathers, this is a good thing for you to do and you should do it. Don't just teach your little boy the supposedly funny, but in fact completely banal and inappropriate, expressions that you make your little boys repeat at tables with grown men (ideally, you wouldn't do this at all... but we are far from ideal)
There is a key word in this process: NORMALITY.
We need to tell our teenage children that it's completely normal for them to be curious about the human body, about themselves, about others.
We need to tell them that it's completely normal to like someone, just as normal to not like them.
We need to teach them to say no. To have their own boundaries and not allow anyone to violate them under any circumstances. To also respect the boundaries that the other person sets.
We definitely need to talk to children about healthy relationships and consent.
Let's tell them about the pressure of society and how they should decide closely with their minds and hearts about every decision.
We should definitely stop talking about the influence of social media. With a little more embarrassment perhaps, but we need to show our children how untrue many things they see online are and how they should be careful of pornography.
I know it's not easy. I know many of us don't even think we need to have this conversation.
There are some who even take it upon themselves to insult or mock me here online for my "courage".
But I am convinced that this is how it should be done. Feel me, I am completely modest, I do not say that it should be done this way because I say so. It is enough to ask any researcher, specialist, doctor, sociologist, psychologist... they all come to a common answer: children should be talked about every topic, with responsibility, naturalness, seriousness and continuity. Sex is just one of them. There is no better way. And for those of you who are still skeptical... ask ChatGPT.(!)
