Gray divorces on the rise: 60-year-olds are separating to start a new life
2025-10-07 14:09:34
TiranaPost
In 2023, 9,913 divorces were registered in Italy among people over 60, according to the latest ISTAT data, triple the number in 2013. Today, one in five divorces involves couples over 50.
The most recent and sensational case is that of Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban: the actress and singer-songwriter, on the verge of their 60s and after almost 20 years of marriage, have announced their separation.
But they are not the only ones. Bill and Melinda Gates, after 27 years together, ended their marriage at the ages of 69 and 61. In Italy, Francesca Neri (61) and Claudio Amendola (62) separated two years ago after 25 years of marriage. Likewise, Paolo Bonolis (64) and Sonia Bruganelli (51) chose to separate amicably in 2023, after 21 years of marriage.
These are examples of what are called "gray divorces", separations after decades of cohabitation, once common only in the US or Northern Europe, but now increasingly present in Italy, a country traditionally more reserved towards marital separations.
According to ISTAT data, in the last ten years, divorces after the age of 60 have almost tripled: from 3,692 in 2014 to 9,913 in 2023. Also, more than 20% of divorces occur between couples over 50, at an age when everything was supposed to be stable, but many choose to start over.
The children are grown, the house is empty
"Around age 60, children are usually out of the house and couples who may have stayed together just for their own sake begin to reevaluate the relationship," explains psychotherapist Duccio Baroni, author of "The Art of Mending a Heart."
"Today it is often women who seek divorce, thanks to cultural changes and personal development paths that push them to put their well-being first and no longer accept unsatisfactory relationships."
Another reason is the fact that today's fifty- and sixty-year-olds are no longer those of half a century ago.
“Today, a 50-year-old woman has an average of 36 years of life ahead of her (men around 33), and a 60-year-old woman 27 years, of which around 20 in good health,” explains Letizia Mencarini, a demographer at Bocconi University. “It is natural that many do not want to spend these years in a relationship where they do not feel good.”
In the past, shorter life expectancies for women or men often "shortened" marriages.
In retirement, the risk of separation is higher
“Divorce requests are more common among those who are retired than among those who are still working,” adds Mencarini. “While the presence of children or grandchildren remains a stability factor.”
The baby boomer generation
“This is especially true for baby boomers (born between 1946–1964), who today, at the age of 60–65, are experiencing a new window of opportunity,” she explains.
This generation has seen a massive increase in women entering the workforce, more financial independence, and social acceptance of divorce. They are also wealthier and healthier than previous generations, and can retire earlier and live actively for decades to come.
But divorce, even when chosen with understanding, is not without consequences.
“Women often lose economic status,” says Mencarini. “Men, on the other hand, lose social life. Even today, after separation, mothers maintain much stronger ties with their children than fathers and remain the emotional center of the family.”
Psychologist Baroni adds: "After a breakup, men are more prone to isolation and severe depression. Of course, if a relationship is harmful, it is better to break up. But it should be kept in mind that something better is not always waiting for you around the corner: relationships require care and commitment to function."
