Neither poverty nor jealousy, this is the main reason that is divorcing Albanians
2021-05-10 07:48:52
TiranaPost
Emigration, women's economic independence, and financial disputes top the list as the main reasons why Albanians are divorcing. As the 2019 figures show their highest level, 26.1 divorces per 100 marriages, legal and psychological experts ring the alarm bells…
When the new quarantine rules took power in 2020, many people wondered how this would affect couples trying to maintain their relationship together. Would it further strengthen their relationship, this living together so much, with only an hour to go out, or would it push couples into conflict? While we are still waiting for these answers, since the statistics in Albania for the 2020 divorces have not been released, the 2019 figures worsen the situation even more.
For the first time since the publication of divorce statistics three decades ago, 2019 marked their highest level, with 26.1 divorces per 100 marriages. More than a quarter of marriages end in divorce. Alarm bells ring from experts in the field of psychology and social affairs, and legal experts point out many problems in such a high resolution of marriages.
According to Margarita Kola, legal experts and lawyers, there is not a single reason that has influenced this upward trend, but a number of reasons, which over the years have had, either directly or indirectly, their impact.
"There are several factors that influence the dissolution of marriage, so it is difficult to put your finger on a single factor that ensures that couples enjoy a long and happy life together. "And the low divorce rate does not always mean that couples are happy, it may just mean that the importance of marriage outweighs individual happiness." Kola.
Experts observe that when people experience greater stress from external sources of a relationship, they struggle more to solve problems within their relationship and may inadvertently throw that stress on each other.
"Undoubtedly, in today's marriage, many things, cultural and social, have changed, because the individualistic tendency is felt even within marriage, in which each partner aims to achieve personalized goals, which in some cases leads to the breakdown of relationships, whether partnership or marriage. , including marriage in an identity crisis and weakening of its stability "- says sociologist Gëzim Tushi.
The fact that a number of divorces today are sought by women, shows their emancipation, further adds the sociologist, who points to it as one of the reasons that has influenced in recent years. Emancipation, according to him, comes as an expression of dignity not to live in a "prison climate" or trampled on dignity, morality, personality. "Marriage does not work when it becomes an institution of 'oppression' of women," says Mr. Tushi. According to him, the complexity of the reasons is biological, cultural, social, economic and customary in nature.
According to the latest figures made public by INSTAT, divorces have marked a drastic increase from 2009 to 2019, respectively from 13.8 to 26.1 divorces per 100 marriages. The year 2019 marks the highest number of divorces over the years, 5,860 divorces. Seen from the point of view of comparing a decade, the difference is considerable. In the last 10 years we have an increase of 62.5% in the number of divorces, while the number of marriages has fluctuated and decreased. For the same period, ie 2009-2019, the number of marriages has decreased by 14.3%.
Statistical data obtained from the Court of First Instance in Tirana show that from January this year to April 19, there were a total of 1650 lawsuits for divorce, where not all cases were completed and 10 of them were appealed.
On the other hand, there are many cases for assigning custody. In the same period, 51 lawsuits were filed, 3 of which were appealed. Another civil issue added to cases of a family nature is the division of marital property. There are a total of 101 cases in less than 4 months of this year, 5 of which are appealed. Meanwhile, the issuance of the protection order was 41.
When society changes, divorce changes
Changes in the law in the early 1990s explain part of the reason why the number of divorces has increased, but that does not tell the whole story. As the law changed, so did Albanian society. The institution of marriage was no longer 'untouchable', women began the path to economic independence and the reaction to violence or social problems such as gambling, etc., increased.
Women were added to the workforce in various sectors. They no longer depended on men to support them. Independence allowed them to leave an unhappy marriage and secure a livelihood for themselves, or even for their children. Divorce also became more acceptable. The "guilt" of divorce has begun to disappear. As more couples separated, divorce gradually became a normal part of life and was no longer taboo.
Other changes may explain why divorce increased, according to sociological experts, including: increased cohabitation, a divorced person who remarries after a divorce is much more likely to divorce again. Also, a tendency has been observed, that the children of divorced parents are more likely to divorce. As the number of divorced parents increases, so will the number of their children divorcing.
"I believe that from a sociological point of view, the phenomenon of divorce is complex. With syncretic causes and synthetic reasons, of biological, cultural, social, economic and customary nature. Related in the context of our concrete terrain. With the narrow yet masculine framework of the 'Balkan man' seeking a woman similar to his mother, who treats him as private property and thinks he has the right to set the boundary between what is allowed and forbidden for the partner. The fact that a number of divorces are sought after by women today shows their emancipation, as an expression of dignity for not living in a 'prison climate' or trampled on in their dignity, morals, personality and sexuality. "Marriage does not work when it becomes an institution of 'oppression' of women" - says the sociologist Mr. Tushi.
He adds that reasons such as violence continue to be part of the causes of divorce. "Violence against women is the 'fuel' that is destroying a large number of marriages. We live in modern times and the more freedom (not debauchery) there is in marriage, the more stable it is, making the couple complementary. Today's men need to understand the sound of time. This means that women are not even 'accessories' much less 'toys' in their hands.
If marriage becomes merely a relationship of power and domination by men, then divorce is inevitable. Because this way it blocks all the ways of amicably resolving the conflicts that are inherent in marriage and transforms it paradoxically into a kind of ‘marital guerrillaism’. Under these conditions, marriage becomes an unpleasant thing and a miserable reality. Only liars and hypocrites can say that their marriage is 'lucid' and without any problem. "Marriage requires mastering the culture of marriage and with it, the 'art' of marital diplomacy."
The sociologist also points out the haste of the decision to get married, especially under the age of 30, as a cause that leads to divorce. "Undoubtedly, the increase in divorces is often associated with a kind of haste and frivolity in marriage, done quickly. The lack of deep mutual acquaintances makes the place of previous excitement later take the place of marital indifference, conflict, extramarital affairs (polygamy and polyandry) which destroy it as a relationship, proving the 'marital scarcity' that was in the relationship. hurry, ”he says.
Mr. Tushi recently adds that, undoubtedly, among other factors is the expansion of the use of alcohol, drugs and other psychotropic substances that bring violence, conflict, disharmony, crime and murder and suicide.
Immigration and / or other reasons
Immigration and poverty are the two main factors that, according to legal expert Margarita Kola, have influenced the increase in the number of divorces in the last year. According to her, both are related to each other, as poverty or lack of jobs is one of the main reasons that drive emigration.
"In the absence of work, many men go to live and work abroad to earn an income and rarely come here, which leads to an imbalance in the marital relationship. This is a factor that we have identified especially in the last five years, as there has been a mass exodus of Albanians. In these conditions, the relationship becomes difficult and conflicts start. "Obligations and responsibilities are greater for women who stay in Albania and stress directly affects this direction" - says av. Kola. Based on her experience as a lawyer, Ms. Kola adds that the meaning of marriage has changed.
"It has become an institute that if it does not function, it is solved and has no former social consequences. The cultural upheaval intertwined with other western cultures has influenced the change of mindsets of Albanians. Then, in its complexity, there are other reasons that affect. Migration in different areas of Albania has also had an increasing impact on divorces, as the move from rural to urban has brought a change of outlook on life, in a marriage that has been troubled. The economic factor brings disagreements and tensions in the couple, having constant problems, the relations break down. Another reason is the emancipation of women and the highest self-respect, economic independence, not allowing oppression and gender discrimination "- says Mrs. Kola
The lawyer adds that nowadays, you can find more divorced couples than troubled couples. "There are fewer people who stick to life's problems. In addition, there has been an increase in cohabitation or otherwise called factual marriage. We have also had the phenomenon of recent years with fictitious divorces, for reasons of evasion of financial payments, or other tax obligations. I believe that in a divorce there is more than one reason, from all the cases we have had over the years "- adds the lawyer.
The year 2020, when the pandemic peaked, is expected to have led to an increase in divorce cases. An increasing trend has been noticed, underlines the lawyer, who adds that we will see the figures later. The non-functioning of the courts has also had an impact, according to av. Kola, which explains the situation in detail.
"The start of the vetting process years ago has resulted in a reduction in the number of judges and a longer extension of the divorce process. We have noticed that, with more cases and fewer judges, the time to end a divorce has gone from 4 to more than 6 months. In cases where couples have children, the trial lasts even longer. "This may have affected a collection of more cases during 2019, carried over from the previous year", - says Mrs. Kola.
Regarding the economic bill of a divorce, av. Kola adds that, to open a lawsuit, an average of 60 thousand ALL is needed, but for individuals who do not have financial opportunities, the state offers free legal services.
Consequences of emigration
In the absence of work, many men go to live and work abroad to provide income and rarely come here, which leads to imbalance in the marital relationship. This is a factor that we have identified especially in the last five years, as there has been a mass exodus of Albanians. In these conditions, the relationship becomes difficult and conflicts start.
Divorce no longer bears the mark we are used to hearing. You probably know many people who have had at least one divorce or you yourself may be a child with divorced parents. It's almost the "everyone does it" mentality, which makes it "popular". We can see or hear it every day and it is present in most TV shows and movies.
Arlinda Shella, legal psychologist in the Court of Tirana, lists as the main reasons for the dissolution of marriage domestic violence, lack of communication in the couple, economic issues, adultery, lack of equality in relationships, etc.
"These are listed as the main causes, of course there are other reasons, which come from different cultural mentalities. It should be noted that the significant increase in divorces, especially in this period, has been a derivation of the problems brought by the pandemic. If we look at the figures only in the Court of Tirana, there is a significant increase in protection orders, thus showing that the pandemic highlighted a number of problems, especially in the family.
I must emphasize that those who are most affected by these problems are the children, they become part of a war, which is not theirs and in this emotional war, the parents fail to protect the best interests of the children. Family problems are always increasing, the family is in crisis, the growing divorce is seen as a trauma in Albania. This inevitably does not exclude children from trauma, although they are problems that in Albania create a greater burden, due to a great lack of instruments to fix them ", - says Mrs. Shella.
On the other hand, psychology highlights the problem of lack of state protection, in the conditions of a long ordeal at the doors of the Courts and also, the problem of determining the alimony, which in most cases is minimal.
The impact of the pandemic on marriage
All relationships involve a degree of conflict, and experts in the psychological field claim that it is normal to debate more during stressful times. From worrying about your health and the health of your family, to coping with growing financial insecurity, all the "classic stressors" of marriage have increased since the events of 2020.
For some couples, disputes during the pandemic have also included debates over house management or savings account. For others, the blockade has exposed issues that go deeper and provide time for reflection, casting doubt on their relationship.
Psychological experts list financial stress, boredom, parenting disagreements, and housework quarrels as the most common sources of relationship problems. More couples at home, with children not going to school and facing increasing financial insecurity, it comes as no surprise that the pandemic created an additional strain on relationships that were already in trouble.
"The pandemic has been a factor with great impact on family life, the functioning of the home as an institution of private life, but also on the dialectic of marital ties and relationships in the couple. Indeed, it was sociologically expected that social isolation and domestic bunkering would turn into factors of unity, family stability, and with improved indicators of marital cohesion and couple ties.
Thinking that isolation as an external depressing factor would be an internal generator for overcoming carried away conflicts, misunderstandings and marital suspicions, in reality this did not happen. "On the contrary, social isolation, confinement in the home for a long time, narrowing of living spaces within the four concrete walls of the house, turned into a motivating factor and deepening destabilization of some marital or couple ties", says Mr. Tushi.
The effect of quarantine on marriage
Social isolation, confinement in the home for a long time, narrowing of living spaces within the four concrete walls of the house, turned into a motivating factor and deepening destabilization of some marital or couple ties
Post-modern sociologists say that the level of well-being in society can also be measured by the level of divorce and unemployment of women.
"Divorce is always linked to a woman's employment or unemployment. And that is why marriage sociologists are right about this new paradigm. Because the growing epidemic of divorce and divorce is having profound consequences for society, destroying the family and increasing the number of 'social victims', such as women, children and the elderly.
Especially for children, who turn into 'social orphans', who find themselves in situations that are not always easy for their upbringing and education. "Especially the immediate transition of a woman from the status of a wife to the status of a divorced woman, in most cases, makes her the head of the family" - says sociologist Gëzim Tushi. According to him, this is an unfavorable position for divorced women, especially when they are unemployed, without the appropriate levels of professional qualification.
"This means an immediate decline in certain levels of absolute or relative poverty. But the costs of divorce are multifaceted and very heavy, not only for divorced women, who are facing new difficulties, but also for the state, social and health care institutions which, in many cases, must immediately put non-contributory schemes of social support, health, housing, payment of unemployment and many other 'bills' that must be borne by the state budget and taxes of Albanians "- says Mr. Tushi.
He underlines another social problem, Albanian society has shortcomings in the culture of divorce or in the right and humane sense that divorce is a mechanism that breaks marriage and marriage, but never those of parenting and parental responsibility, which remain unchanged to increase children or the care of the elderly.
"In our country, divorces are harsh, violent, extremely antagonistic and completely destructive for all structural components of the family before divorce. There are still few cases of culture of divorce or consensual making, with mutual responsibility, without hatred and bearing the costs of mutual responsibility.
Not only that, the divorce bill becomes bigger if we take into account that when the marital conflict becomes existential, irreversible, final and leads to divorce, it must be accompanied by additional damage to the structures of social life. Time has also proven in Albania the connection between the stability of marriage and the social problems that divorce brings. This is because it is sociologically known that "the trajectory of divorce 'intersects' with many other material and intangible relationships, such as relationships with friends, neighbors, colleagues, etc." - concludes Mr. Tushi.
Divorce and reduced productivity
Psychologists estimate that divorce is a process, which has a long-term impact on the lives of ex-partners, hurting them economically. This causes a decline in previous living standards and in the case of individuals in careers, an impact on productivity. Stress is one of the consequences of divorce, which is often long and financially difficult.
Psychologists at the Tirana Court show that two out of five divorced mothers do not receive full payment of child support and this is one reason for the increase in the number of lawsuits for alimony. Others are forced to leave their previous jobs, in search of a suitable job even with children's schedules (when the presence of a nanny or private kindergarten / school is not financially affordable). During the job search process, they often encounter prejudices or difficulties.
* Received from Monitor.al
